


The Winter Solstice

by marhtin



Category: Carry On - Fandom
Genre: Agatha is ew af, Angst, Humdrum is an asshole, I SUCK @ TAGGING SORRY, M/M, Overuse of italics, PLOT TWIST OK, Penelope is my spirit animal, SnowBaz, a lot of Angst actually, added some quotes/parallels from teen wolf, and cute lil kisses, and fluff, and the hunger games, carry on, fanfiction (obviously), honestly just stop reading these tags, slightly cheesy????, so fight me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-22
Updated: 2016-01-22
Packaged: 2018-05-15 14:12:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5788240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marhtin/pseuds/marhtin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Simon and Baz go through a lot on the days leading up to the Winter Solstice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Winter Solstice

Baz licks his bottom lip, something Simon notices when he's about to speak. He sits next to Baz on his bed and brushes away a strand of hair that covers his gorgeous face. The vampire sends him a tired smile; they're both exhausted after spending the night sneaking around Watford, looking for the Humdrum. It's getting late, and the time to feed is drawing near. They both stand up, walking outside to the Chapel. Baz raises an eyebrow, his hand lingering on the handle. "You're coming in?"

Simon rolls his eyes. "I'm your _boyfriend_. Of course I'm coming in."

Baz doesn't budge. "I don't want you to be disgusted with me."

Simon places his hand on the other boy's shoulder, rubbing it with his thumb. "I like how you're a vampire, Baz, okay? I like how strong you are and how sunlight stings you and how you drink blood from rats in the basement of a creepy church in the middle of the night next to dead people."

Baz lets out a snort, opening the door and sauntering inside. He moves down the steps to the basement and immediately catches his prey, bringing it to his fangs, and biting into the rat. Simon watches the blood being drained, the color returning to the tired face.

Simon decides, that this is the moment when Baz looks most beautiful.

He throws the dead mouse across the room, wiping his lips. "Why are you smiling like that?"

Simon realizes his mouth has been curved upwards, and a blush makes its way to his cheeks. "You look.."

"Horrifying? Evil? Ugly?" He's worried.

"Good. Stunning. Handsome."

Maybe Simon shouldn't be saying this. He just drank blood from a rat. But... he looks so... _alive_. Baz averts his gaze before he smiles – another thing he's always done because he's shy about his fangs.

He yells out a wish. " ** _There's no place like home!_** "

Suddenly, the two are kissing, and it takes Simon a few seconds to realize that Baz thinks of _him_ as his _home_. He tilts his head to get a better angle, and Simon's heart swells up like a balloon, still foreign to how amazing it is to be in love.

He pulls away a few minutes later, his cheeks on fire, and he still keeps the smile on his face like he just won the lottery. Baz kisses the corners of his mouth with a grin of his own.

They trek their way back to the dorms, hand-in-hand, the winter snow sparkling in the moonlight. Simon stops moving and Baz turns to give him a confused glance. "Why'd you stop, Simon?"

The Chosen One shudders internally when Baz says his name like that, and a smirk dances on his lips. For almost seven years of them being roommates, Baz had called him "Snow."

Simon raises an eyebrow. "Well since you're such a _strong, powerful_ vampire, I don't think you would mind carrying me on your back, would you?"

Baz laughs softly, making anyone within a ten mile radius want to fall to their knees. "A piggy-back ride? What are you, twelve?"

Simon knows he's joking, so he hops on his back and wrap his arms around Baz's neck. "Yep, on a scale of one to ten."

Baz rolls his eyes so much that Simon is surprised if he doesn't get them stuck that way. Recently, the two of them had downloaded Tumblr (it took seven hours of hard work to figure out how to use it), and since then, all Simon had been doing was looking at memes and text posts. Baz trudges to their room, kicking the door open and dropping the curly-haired boy on his bed. Simon lets out a happy sigh, his head resting on his pillow as Baz lies down on his bed. His eyes close, and after ten minutes of watching him, Simon can't help but run his thumb across Baz's cheek and ruffle his hair.

His eyes flutter open and he jumps a little. "I was awake."

"It didn't seem that way."

"I was resting my eyes." Simon could sense the lie a mile away, because Baz looks so, so tired.

Simon rolls his eyes. "Get over here."

"It's too far," he whines.

He glares at Baz, climbing over his body to be between him and the wall. He relaxes when Simon folds his arms around the stomach, releasing a small breath of content. Simon closes his eyes, inhaling the scent of cedar, and falls asleep.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀•

Simon wakes up in the darkness with a disoriented feeling, sitting upright to get used to the darkness. Baz's dark brown hair falls in front of his face as he snores quietly.

He decides to go get some fresh air, not wanting to wake Baz with the cold wind whenever he opens the window, so he steps outside. The harsh wind whips Simon's face, biting his cheeks and practically blowing him away. He gets ready to head inside when he sees someone standing in the forest wearing a white dress. After every horror movie he's watched with Baz, it's smart not to walk towards her, but he does anyways. He squints when he's fifteen feet away. It's.. _Agatha?_

"Simon," she says happily, as if it isn't about 15 degrees below zero. She looks kind of sick. In the head.

Simon hands her his– _Baz's_ – coat. "What are you doing out here?"

"I knew you would come!" She has a manic look in her hard eyes. "I've been waiting for you!"

"Why..?" This whole scenario feels like a joke.

She steps closer to him, creating a space that's only nine inches apart. "Because I love you, Simon."

He starts to choke on her words, and it is then when she kisses Simon. He is so shocked – so frozen in place – that he can't even move find the right function to move. He's broken out of the trance by someone laughing.

 _Baz_.

Simon pushes against Agatha, turning to Baz. "I–"

His laugh is bitter. "You love me? Do you, Snow? Because it sure seems to me that you don't. Were you using me to make her jealous, huh? Wanted to lead me on, make me fall for you, then break my heart because of all the crap _I_ put you through in the past years? You know, it's downright hilarious that you assumed I was plotting all these years when all along you were the one with the grand scheme."

Simon is still so bewildered, so lost, that he doesn't know what to say.

"Your silence is comforting," Baz spits, fire beginning to form in his right hand, but Simon knows he wouldn't hurt him. Not like before. "You can sleep with Wellbelove tonight, or Bunce. Or maybe any other person because you'd probably enjoy that!"

"Baz–"

"Don't." He backs away from the duo, and Simon finally sees the pain wash over him like waves crashing against the shore. "Just.. _don't_."

Then he's gone, and Simon is left standing with some _psycho_. He swerves around, jabbing a finger in Agatha's face. "What the _hell_ is wrong with you? I love Baz, not you!After everything you put me through – _us_ through; After you dated me just for being the Chosen One, just to make Baz fall for you, you think I'm going to crawl back to you?"

He turns on his heel and runs back to his room, sensing that the door is locked. Simon rolls up his – _Baz's_ – jumper, rolls it into a ball, and pulls it under his head to use it as a pillow. He lies down on his side in the hallway, uncomfortable, but he closes his eyes, because he is physically and emotionally exhausted.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀•

Someone kicks Simon's side, and he shoots up, his head hitting the wall. Penelope crouches down next to him, concerned. "Where have you been?"

He rubs his eyes, leaning back against the wall. "How long have I been out?"

"It's been three days, Simon. Have you been sleeping this whole time? What happened?" She interrogates.

"Yeah, I guess I have been sleeping for a few days," He bites his lip. "Basically, I was walking in the Wavering Wood because I couldn't sleep. I saw Agatha and... and she kissed me. Now Baz _hates_ me... I don't know what to do."

She pulls Simon up, and he leans against her for support. "Crowley, Simon, let's go get some food – you need it."

He starts walking on his own, next to her towards his Elocution class. "I'm not hungry."

" _Simon_ ," she stops him outside of the classroom door. "You need to eat."

He lays his hand on the doorknob, his eyes trained on the floor. " _I'm not hungry_."

With a twist of his wrist, he opens the door, strolling in and sitting down in his assigned seat at the back of the classroom.

"Nice of you to join us, Mr. Snow," Madam Bellamy writes down something in Greek on the chalkboard. "Where have you been?"

He sits there for a few seconds, in a daze.

"Mr. Snow?"

Simon tries to focus on what she just said. "What?"

The class erupts in laughter and she motions her finger to the two to talk in the hall. He hesitantly gets up and walks out behind her.

"Simon." She's worried too. Just like Penelope. "What's wrong? Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," He forces a smile. "Just.. _stressed_."

She smiles sadly, actually believing his lie, leading him back inside.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀•

Baz wasn't in Biology. He's not in Political Science either.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀•

Simon sits in History, not listening to a word that comes out of boring Madam Hamelic's mouth. The bell rings, and he feels like he's sleepwalking as he walks to the cafeteria, Penelope by his side.

He plops down in a chair and Penelope gets his favorite scones with some cheese and tea. Simon nibble at the scone while she watches him, then sets it back on the plate.

She tries not to yell. "You have to eat! Have you looked in the mirror recently, Simon? You look like a literal zombie!"

Simon stands up. "Look, I appreciate your worry, but I have survived before without eating. I need to mend my relationship with Baz... that's more important to me right now."

He heads towards his room, and tentatively stands there for a good five minutes before knocking.

 

_**Baz** _

"Baz!"

Baz can feel his chest tighten when he hears the sound of Simon's voice.

"Open the door!"

He wants to so badly. He misses Simon's laugh and his lips and his smile and _him_.

"I didn't know what was happening when she kissed me. She's nuts... I don't know what's wrong with her," he says through the door.

Simon sounds so miserable that it physically hurts. Baz walks over to the door, his hand touching it lightly. "Go away, Simon."

"Baz." He sounds relieved. "Just let me in so we can talk."

"We are talking," Baz mumbles, but he finds himself opening the door anyways.

 

**_ Simon _ **

He stands there for a few seconds, drinking it all in. Baz looks terrible. His face has started to grow a stubble, bags under his eyes making him look years older, and his hair is tousled.

Simon want to kiss him.

 

**_ Baz _ **

At first, Simon looks normal.

Then Baz notices there isn't the usual flame in his eyes. His curly, golden blonde hair is a mess, and a wave of concern hits the vampire when he sees how skinny and frail he is. He himself has been upset, but at least he's been eating.

"Baz," he murmurs, taking a step forward.

Baz remembers that night, and his wall is built up again. "There's nothing to talk about. You were using me."

"No I wasn't!" Simon's voice cracks. "I love you, Baz! Agatha was crazy that night! I would _never_ hurt you like that and you know it!"

He don't know how to respond.

"Please, Baz," Simon begs. "Please forgive me."

"I.. _I can't_." He can't be someone's second choice. Not again. He can't love someone and lose them again.

"Yes you can." He looks so broken...  _That makes two of us._ "Please, Baz – say it. Say you forgive me."

"I can't forgive you when you kissed her!"

"Baz!" Simon roars. His body is _glowing_. "You don't get it! I can't lose you, okay? I can't lose you too – not like I've lost everybody else! _Especially_ you! I love you more than _anything_!"

Baz realizes that his hands are shaking. _They won't stop shaking_.

Simon is close to him now, and he takes Baz's hands, holding them. He's shaking too. They stand there, trembling, and Simon hugs him tightly.

"I missed you," he mumbles into Baz's shoulder.

"It's only been three days, Simon..."

"I know," he lets out a breath. "Three days too long."

The two lie down on their beds, and Simon reaches his hand over to Baz's, lacing their fingers together.

"Stay with me?"

Baz smiles warily at _The Hunger Games_ reference. "Always."

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀•

He can't sleep. Nightmares of when he was trapped with the numpties wake him up. He gets up, slowly pulling his fingers away from Simon's, and sits on the chair, plucking a book off the shelf to read in the dark with his vision. A few minutes later, he's asleep again.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀•

Baz wakes up to metal clinking and a sweet smell. He's sprawled across the chair, and he looks up to see Simon stirring a spoon in a mug. He carries the cup carefully and hands it to Baz. "Merlin, Simon! This is hot!" He practically drops the mug, but miraculously sets it safely on the coffee table. His fingers burn.

"Sorry," Simon murmurs, taking Baz's fingers. Suddenly, the pain is gone.

"How did you do that?" Baz asks. "How didn't the hot mug burn you? How did you heal me like that?"

Simon shrugs, answering in a way that makes me look like I just asked him how to walk. "I just ignored the heat and then I thought about making your fingers feel better."

 _Amazing_.

He places his hand around the cup – and he must be cooling it down because when Baz take a sip, it's perfect. Baz finishes the tea and uses a spell to transport it to the kitchens. Simon crawls in between his legs, stopping to rest his head on the other boy's chest. Baz pulls a blanket around them and stares at the ceiling until he almost falls asleep.

Simon's breath floats to his neck, warming Baz up. "It's the Winter Solstice today. Something's going to happen, Baz; I know it. I just don't know _what_."

Baz rubs circles on his back. "Something may happen, Simon, but it isn't happening right now. Stop worrying about the future and think about the present, okay?"

He lifts his head and brings his lips to Baz's ever so softly.

 

**_ Simon _ **

Baz tastes like tea and _home_. Simon grabs him by the collar, bringing him in as close as possible. He slips his hands under Simon's – _Baz's_ – jumper, planting them on his waist. He separates for a few minutes, trying to catch his breath because apparently (according to Baz), Simon is a ' _mouth breather_.'

Baz is smiling, and he kisses the mole under his neck. (He treats it like a target.) Simon runs a hand through his hair. It's been shorter for a few months. Baz let him cut it for him with a spell he created (a project that had to be finished by the end of the year). When Simon saw him after... it was unbelievable. Baz was worried (of course) that Simon didn't like it because he was speechless, but he just looked so _good_.

Baz wraps a lazy arm around Simon. He looks so relaxed; his hair ruffled from bedhead, his cheeks flustered pink. Simon listens to his heartbeat, and before he knows it, he's fallen asleep again.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀•

 _"Simon," the Humdrum smiles evilly. He grabs the Chosen One's head, making Simon look at him, and he sees the horrors. Penelope, Baz, the Mage, Ebb... they're all dying and Simon is doing_ nothing.

_"Who will it be, Simon?" His voice is like a broken record, like he's singing a children's song. "Someone you love."_

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀•

He shoots upwards, screaming. Simon's heart is racing; sweat is rolling down his skin.

"Simon," Baz tries to calm him. " _Simon_!"

Baz holds him tightly, and he cries into his shoulder shamelessly. "H-he's coming Baz. I know it. He's going to hurt someone I love."

Baz attempts to soothe him. "It's okay. I'm here, and I'm not leaving, okay?"

The Humdrum is going to hurt Penelope... or Ebb, or the Mage, but Penelope has been Simon's best friend since first year, so she has a higher risk. Baz is with Simon himself... he can't get hurt.

It's dark outside now. Simon knows Baz needs to feed, but he feels like he _has_ to go with him. Baz can't get hurt. _He can't._ Baz sits up, moving Simon so he can get up easily.

"You can't go alone," Simon stands up.

"Simon, it was just a dream," Baz opens the door, shaking his head. "Nothing is going to happen to me – or anyone."

"You don't know that!" Simon grabs his wrist.

Baz yanks himself free, walking out into the winter night. Simon follows him into the woods and stops at the clearing. Baz has already gone looking for his prey.

He sigh, leaning against a large oak tree. He hears a rustle after a few minutes, and Simon snaps his head in the direction of noise. Baz stands there, fresh blood on his fangs. He almost looks normal. _Almost_. His eyes are empty like the life has been sucked from them.

He takes a step forward, and the Humdrum appears with a menacing smile.

"Don't hurt him!" Simon pleads. _Take me instead._

Baz gets closer so they're only two feet apart. It is unmistakably noticeable that he is struggling against the Humdrum's power. "Simon... y-you have to."

"What?" A crease forms between the boy's eyebrows.

"You have to kill me!" Baz's fangs are sharp. "I'm- I'm too hungry! I'm going to hurt you!"

"Go ahead, Baz! I _can't_ kill you!"

" _Simon, please!_ " He yells.

Simon's sword is by his side, held so tightly in his hand that my knuckles are white. Baz is a few inches away from him, guiding the tip of the blade into his abdomen slightly.

"Baz, I can't!" Simon trembles.

"It's okay," he murmurs, his fangs still shining. "It's okay, Simon. It was going to happen one day."

He leans his forehead against Simon's, his breath coming out shakily. Baz kisses him, and Simon tastes the blood, the tears from his cheeks — and his own. Baz mumbles against his lips so quietly that Simon barely hears him. "Do it."

Simon plunges the sword in, and Baz lets out a guttural groan, sinking to his knees. Simon falls with him, pulling the weak body into his lap. Blood leaks out of the corner of Baz's lips, another fresh tear rolling down his cheek.

" _B-Baz_." Simon forces himself to swallow.

"It's okay," He cries.

"No, Baz!" Simon holds him tightly, like he might disappear any second. _This can't be happening –_

"It's okay, Simon." Baz's fingers touch Simon's lips softly. "It's perfect. I-I'm in the arms of my first love. The first person I ever loved... The person I'll always love. I-I love you S-Simon Snow."

When he goes limp, Simon can't stop the screams that pour out of his mouth, or the sobs that rack his body. 

Simon killed him.  _He killed Baz._

It was him. Not the Humdrum. _It was me._

Penelope runs up to them out of nowhere to wrap her arms around Simon, pulling him up. "The lights in the sky-"

Simon cries into her shoulders so hard as she hugs him. The pain he's feeling... is indescribable. The feeling like his heart has been ripped from his chest – he can't breathe. It's unbearable, like all the energy, all the power and magic and strength, is gone. Simon am left with nothing.

_Baz is dead. Because of me._

Simon's legs won't even let him stand. He can't move; he can't do anything. How is he possibly supposed to live now? In a world without Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch? 

He can't. _He c_ _an't live without Baz_.

Simon tries grabbing his sword. He needs to be with him. He deserve this. Yet right when Simon touches the hilt, Penelope slams into his hand, knocking it away. "Simon, no!"

"I can't do it, Penny!" Simon shouts, the tears flowing down his cheeks like a waterfall. "I can't do this without him!"

Penelope's eyes are glassy. " _Simon_."

He shakes his head frantically. "I can't! I–"

Simon falls to the ground in slow motion - Penelope cast a sleeping spell on him. All Simon thinks is that he can't sleep. He can't sleep without –

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀•

** [6 MONTHS LATER] **

Every day he makes mistakes.

Like waking up after a nightmare and looking at the other side of the bed, with nothing to comfort Simon but silence.

Or calling Baz in between classes, accompanied by the voice in his voicemail.

Or when Simon gets distracted in his flat when he's setting the table, and he accidentally set a place for _him_.

Or how about when he watches another horror movie and Simon has to grab a couch cushion because he don't have Baz's hand to hold?

And every day Simon has to live with the fact that he killed Baz.

Penelope is still worried about him. She reminds him to eat and visits often. Simon visits his grave at _least_ once a day, but he can't tell her because she would think that he need a therapist. He doesn't. He just needs Baz.

Simon is wearing his jumper – a gray one, with the scent of Baz wearing off more and more. Simon kneels down, setting a fresh rose in front of Baz's tombstone. He runs his fingers across the engraved letters and look back at the roses. Most of them are wilted or decayed, but Simon likes to think that Baz sees all of the flowers that he has given him.

One rose for each day Simon loved him, and one rose for each day to come.

**Author's Note:**

> Simon is pansexual. Thank you, and goodbye.


End file.
